High school is a silly time...

Being back in a high school setting is a really interesting and bizarre experience. I was never one of those people who thought high school was the be-all, end-all, pinnacle of existence like some do. I don't look back on that time with disdain and bitterness, but once it was over I was happy it was over and I didn't ever feel the urge to go back. In fact, it was always really strange to me to hear people wax poetic about how amazing high school was and how they missed it all the time. To me it was mostly a confusing, awkward transition from childhood to near-adulthood. I made some great friends and definitely went through a lot of huge personal changes, but I wasn't having the best time of my life by any means.

Because I have never been one to put those years up on a pedestal, it's especially weird to me to see so many students clearly living their lives as though high school is as good as it gets. Girls throwing away everything just to be in a relationship with someone they are convinced is their ~*soul mate*~, guys wasting their time in class in order to show off and be smartasses (because god forbid you learn something instead of just being super cool in front of people who won't matter to you in 4 years), both genders decked out to the nines in letter jackets/dance uniforms/what have you and only associating with others who do the same as though they fully expect this to be their biggest achievement in life. Having been an obnoxious and self centered teenager myself at one point, I know that nothing anybody says to them is going to convince them to cut the crap, but it's still sort of frustrating.

I once took over a class last minute at the end of the day after I had finished subbing for someone else and it was both hilarious and wholly depressing to see how some of the kids were acting. My other classes for the day were generally full of upperclassmen, but the last class was purely freshmen. I have to be honest, it is hard to look at a 14 year old girl painted up like a streetwalker and wobbling around in giant heels that she obviously doesn't know how to walk in yet and not feel sick. She was a sweet girl, too, and it just pained me to know that there will be a point somewhere in her not too distant future where she will want to be taken seriously and respected, and by that point it just might be too late.

It isn't just the girls who are ridiculous, obviously. The boys can be equally frustrating. I once encountered a male student who was obviously a SMART kid. He liked it when I called on him, he provided thoughtful answers to my questions, and he worked like a champ when it came time to problem solve in groups. He had an engaging personality as well, but it was obvious to me that somewhere along the line he had convinced himself that being cool (ie: being known for not taking school seriously) was more fun than doing well and setting himself up for the rest of his life. To this day the memory of that student troubles me, I hate to think of him wasting his life pissing around Austin and working whatever job he happens to come by. His regular teacher and I both did what we could to encourage his intellectual development and positively reinforce participation and hard work, but if the kid just didn't come to school very often it was hard to make that stick. I hope he realizes what he's doing, I really do.

It might just be the ignorance of youth, but I really wish I knew where attitudes like those come from. Even when I was IN high school I knew those people (and you did too) who would loudly insist that academics were not the point of high school, that they were going to "live it up" and enjoy their four years and then somehow miraculously turn it all around in college and be A+ superstars for the rest of their lives. It continues to boggle my mind that people like that don't realize that high school is where you learn to LEARN above all else. No, I don't remember a damn thing from my Algebra II class. You know what I do remember? I remember the way I needed to study in order to do well in math, a subject I am notoriously weak in. If I hadn't learned how to stick it out and make myself work on things that were hard for me and made me feel dumb, I would not have been able to pass any of my accounting/statistics/O-chem classes in college. It wasn't the content that necessarily stayed with me, it was the life skills that I had to practice in order to succeed. I never EVER think about asymptotes or parabolas in my daily life, but I do know how to put my nose to the grindstone and force knowledge into my head. To me, THAT was the real point of high school.

I wish there was some way I could guarantee that my sincerity would come across to my students. Unfortunately you can only observe high school rationally in hindsight, and 15 year olds will just never be known for their foresight or maturity. As a teacher, though, that serves to motivate me more than it discourages me. The only way to come across as sincere and believable is to work hard EVERY day to be so. Trust is earned over time, and the only time you have a chance to change someone's life is when they've decided to trust you. Obviously as a sub that's not my role, but as a future educator it definitely is, and I am ready to go.

Love and Kisses,
Dana