Jukebox Hero

Good morning blogoneers, I hope that wherever you are you have excellent central air and/or one of those mind-freak Dyson fans without the blades. It's hot, y'all, this is generally what I'm getting at.

Anyway, one of the 10 billion blogs I frequent had a fun post today about personal talents that are not incredibly impressive and generally do not have any significant value. The blogger's talent was ironing, and after thinking about it for a little bit I'm pretty sure mine are spotting animals like a bandit and having a ridiculous memory for song lyrics. Again, neither of those things will get me anywhere in life. Nobody wants to put me up on stage and watch me do those things. My life is not made easier because of them. Never the less, I am pretty awesome at them and now I'm going to regale you with tales of how cool I am.

I'm pretty sure my ability to spot any and all animals within my field of vision started when I was a kid and we went on class field trips to the zoo. Kids have a knack for turning pretty much anything into a competition, and it wasn't long in our lives before we started seeing the zoo as the ultimate I-Spy challenge. I mean, think about it; you go to the zoo as an adult and you stand there and appreciate the majesty of...I don't know, the Okapi, for 5-10 minutes and then you amble on to the Impalas. Hooray for safari hoofstock, majesty of Africa, blah blah blah. Kids, however, will travel in herds and stampede from one exhibit to the next, "LION. THERE. BY THE ROCK. DONE." followed by one of them sprinting off to the Rhinos while the slow kids desperately try to find  it, knowing full well that they can't move on until they do.

Guys, I was a rock star at that game. I can find a Clouded Leopard in 10 seconds flat even if he's curled up on the high perch and only the tip of his whiskers are showing. The Reptile house? Forget that business, I'm in and out in 5 minutes while everyone else is still trying to distinguish the Eyelash Viper from the foliage. I can spot Caterpillars crossing the street for Christ's sake! I've made Anu pull the car over at night because I saw a toad trying to hop up on the sidewalk from the street and I wanted to help him! It's crazy and someone somewhere owes me a medal.

My other amazingly useless talent is a mind like a steel trap when it comes to song lyrics. Can I sing? Absolutely not, but you're sweet for asking. Nope, I know every word to just about every song I've ever heard, and I know all of the inflections and pauses and peculiar breathing noises as well. I don't remember the riffs and solos so much, this is a constant source of frustration for Anu and I when we try to do humdingers during Cranium. He'll be singing the Free Bird solo and I'll be staring at him blankly, then once we lose he shows me the card and from there out it's all,

"WHY WOULD YOU SING IT THAT WAY? LISTEN: IF I LEEEEAVE HERE TOMOOOOOORROOOOOOWWWWW...."

"BECAUSE IT'S FREE BIRD! FREE BIRD! EVERYBODY WHO EVER LIVED KNOWS THE SOLO IN FREE BIRD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

*punching fight*

Just kidding, no domestic violence. But it is insanely frustrating. I don't think he even remembers that songs HAVE lyrics. Seriously, if you ask him to sing a song the words he will use are "boop, dadadada, buuuum buuum buuuuuum, bernerner" and the like and all you will get out of it is how the guitar part goes.

The good news for me is that piano bars exist. I went to a dueling piano bar in Fort Worth with Flanagan on Friday night and it was so much fun that I almost died. I could sing every song at the top of my lungs and nobody could hear how out of tune I was. I knew every song! I was so proud! It was a good night for me, guys.

I'm going to end this entry the same way that the prompting blog did: what are your obscure and pointless talents? Are you the DDR Champion? Can nobody peel a cucumber quite like you? Do tell. We can start the most pointless act in the world together and call it Cirque de So-lame. It will be fun.

Love and Kisses,
Daner