A short one

It is crazy, CRAZY how much you can love a baby. I hated hearing things like that before I had her, but I recently heard the sentiment expressed in a pretty elegant way.

It's not that you've never felt the same level of love before. It's not that parents love their kids more than childfree people can love things. It's just on a different plane of existence. Imagine, the same level of love, but a whole different KIND than you've ever felt before. That's what it is, and it's amazing. Even when they're maddening, even when you want to give up. It's amazing.

Oh yeah, I made a people

Warning: this is not going to be particularly well-written. I am running on a caffeine high right now and am trying to pound this out before baby girl wakes up and wants to snack on me again.

Y'all, I totally had a baby. Woo! Much like the rest of my pregnancy, the birth was actually really straightforward and complication-free.

In case nobody's told you, going past your due date SUCKS. The last part of pregnancy is so uncomfortable and awkward and hot and crappy that when August 29th came and went with nary a contraction I was about ready to burn something down. I would go grocery shopping and people would literally stop me in the aisles and ask when I was due. One cashier told me she'd never seen a belly so completely round, and then when she found out I was overdue she acted like I would literally drop to the floor in front of her and pop the baby out at any second. "Do you need help out to your car???? ARE YOU SURE???? I CAN GET SOMEONE TO HELP YOU!!!!!!!" Jesus, lady.

Anu and I went to Milto's for dinner on Sunday night (the greek place right by campus for all you UT alumns) and I started to have some painless, but definitely significant, contractions that were coming about 7-10 minutes apart. I didn't actually tell Anu about them until we were back at home, though, because I suspected they were just a part of early labor and didn't think it was worth getting him worked up about. Because my instincts are awesome and I am always right, this turned out to be the right call. I took a shower when we got home and they pretty much disappeared. Still, it was the first time I had experienced regularly spaced contractions, so I knew we weren't far from D-day.

Sure enough, at 4 AM I was woken up by some definitely NOT painless contractions coming about 5-7 minutes apart. Since hot water is the best thing in the entire world ever, I hopped in the shower for a good 45 minutes to help me work through them as painlessly as possible. I was aiming for a med-free birth, so I knew I had to labor at home for as long as possible before going to the hospital so I could avoid interventions based on artificial timetables. After my shower I went out to the living room and watched "Jiro Dreams of Sushi" on Netflix until about 8 AM. Good documentary, actually, I recommend it.

ANYWAY. At that point I waddled back to the room to wake Anu up and ask him to sit with me because the contractions were no more than 5 minutes apart and getting harder to just ride out. Let me tell you something, world, contractions hurt. They hurt in a way that I can't even describe because you will never feel anything similar to it in any other situation. They are NOT the worst pain you could ever feel or anything like that, it's just that there's really no way to prepare for them if you've never felt them before because they are so significantly different from anything you've ever felt before. I called the doula collective we'd hired to give them the heads up that I was definitely in active labor. The doula on call (Tif) talked me through a couple of contractions and told me to call her again as soon as I wanted her to come over.

I labored on my own for another 3-4 hours, and we called Tif to the house when my contractions were down to 3 minutes apart. She was exactly what I needed, because she knew that it was time to forget comfort and just try to get the contractions REALLY going. Trust me, that was NOT something I would have done on my own. I really needed someone to kind of kick my ass and make me get with the program. I felt nauseated every time a contraction came, but it wasn't until Tif made me do some lunges that I actually had to run for the restroom and get my puke on. That sounds like it's a bad thing, but the thing about labor is that it only stops when the baby's out, so trying to avoid the pain by avoiding contractions is a stupid idea. I bounced on the yoga ball (owww), lunged some more (owwwwwwwww), and walked around the house (OWWWWW) until we were at 2-2.5 minutes apart and I called the hospital to let them know I was on my way in.

The ride over SUCKED. Laboring in a car where you can't move is just the worst. I had to go super-zen and live entirely in my head for the entire 20 minute ride from hell. Anu probably thought things were going great because I wasn't making any noise at all, but that was just because I knew if I made even the slightest noise I would probably end up going batshit crazy and kicking windows out or something.

We got to the hospital and got checked in fairly quickly. I had them take me up in a wheel chair because I couldn't take more than 5 steps without having a hardcore contraction. They took me to the triage room to monitor me for 20 minutes (standard procedure to make sure you're really in active labor before they admit you) and check my parts out. Turns out I was 9 cm dilated 100% effaced and pretty much completely ready to go. Unfortunately for my sense of badassery, I was DONE dealing with contractions. The pain was beyond insane and the thought of pushing the baby out without pain meds made me want to freak out. Tif and the nurse reminded me about 20 times that I had wanted to go natural, but I was beyond caring that point and told them very pointedly (and with murder in my eyes) that I wanted an epidural NOW and that hippie nonsense was not a priority to me.

I know, I know. I gave up at 9cm. The thing is, I honestly don't regret it. The epidural was GD magical and it made the rest of the experience pretty amazing. I was able to talk and relax for the last 30 minutes of labor and pushed painlessly for an hour and a half until baby girl was born at 8:29 pm. Since I wasn't in pain, I was able to be 100% in the moment and happy when she came into the world and they put her immediately on my chest.

I was so, so thrilled to find out she was a girl. I would have loved this baby no matter what the sex, but I'd been secretly picturing a girl since the start of the pregnancy and I love the fact that I have a daughter. She spent her first 5 minutes letting us know that birth was NOT FUN and she had a HEADACHE now and that she'd REALLY RATHER NOT do that again. I agreed with her fully. We'll see in a few years, but at this point I think we're one and done. I don't think I want to do pregnancy and labor again.

I had Anu wait until it was time to push before he called our parents to let them know to come up to Austin. I didn't want the pressure of knowing people were waiting in the lobby while I labored, and the timing we chose ended up being perfect, though it did throw them for a loop. Apparently they brought lots of books/laptops/etc to occupy themselves while they waited, and then 10 minutes after they got there Anu went out to ask them if they were ready to meet the baby, haha. Everyone got to hold her and pet her awesomely crazy head of hair. :-)

OK, more later about life since birth. I feel like kiddo's about to wake up any minute now. We're not putting pictures online, FYI, but if we're close and I haven't sent you any just email me and I'll get you some straight away.

-me

Beached whale, anyone?

Y'all. There's a person living in my ribs. It won't stop kicking me. I can't sleep more than 4 hours at a time because it likes to smush its head into my bladder and make me run to the bathroom. I think it is doing this for fun. Communication difficult, often involves hiccups. 3 more weeks to full term, can't remember what it feels like to not be pregnant. Need wine. And sushi. Send help.

We built a crib

The wee baby Seamus isn't due for another 7 weeks, but over here in impatient-land we like to get things done either waaaay ahead of time or, like, 6 months late. Lucky for husband fellow, my nesting instinct ate my procrastination tendency, and now I need everything done RIGHT STAT NOW.

And that is the story of how we have a fully assembled crib ready to go in the fully painted nursery.

Hooray, check marks on the list! The thing INSIDE the crib is not a mattress, though, it's a blanket. We have a mattress ordered, but in the mean time I didn't want the cats jumping in the crib and mangling their legs on the spring frame. That is just exactly the sort of thing they would do to add some spice to my life, and I really don't need 2 crippled cats to pay vet bills for/take care of when there's a cranky watermelon living in my uterus who is preparing to make a grand appearance in a few weeks. Still, I should have know what would happen if I put ANYTHING soft and squishy in the crib.

They think it's pretty awesome that we've spent so much time and energy making a pretty new room for them to sleep in. I have a feeling there is going to be some serious disappointment come September. Womp-womp.

Caliente

Summer is officially here, on the calendar and in the degrees. The millions and millions of degrees. Oh my god, who let all these degrees in here?! The first day of summer was all, "Oh hey...I'm just rainy and gray. I won't set you on fire...promise!"

And then it was all, "LOL, J/K!"

And then I saw a tiny grasshopper, and I forgot that I was talking to seasons.

Yeah...

You know how sometimes you start to blog again after a long hiatus, and you're like, "This is the time! I'm going to update this regularly for sure!" And then you start watching Downton Abbey or taking Instagram pictures of your cats or whatever and then it's been 2 months and you realize you're a shitty blogger?

Yeah, that.


I had my last day of work exactly one week ago. It was bittersweet, it feels weird not to have a job and I miss seeing my coworkers all the time. Graduation the week before was even crazier, I was really close to this year's graduates and it meant a lot to watch them walk the stage. I'll miss them like crazy, believe it or not. Still, Anu and I knew from the start that we wanted me to stay at home for at least the first few years with kiddo, and I know we're really lucky to be able to afford that. I am enjoying being at home, but I still get wistful. In between naps, that is. You can't really nap in a nostalgic way.

So, I'm at home full time now. It's nice to be able to grocery shop in the morning when all those suckers with full time jobs are busy. The cats LOVE it when I'm home, they follow me around all day meowing and trying to get me to hold still for 5 seconds so they can pile up and sleep on me. Max in particular is having trouble remembering that he is not, in fact, a permanent attachment on my abdomen.

Pregnancy is still going alright, though I have officially entered the "Never comfortable- EVER." phase. Something about having a small watermelon camping out in my abdomen seems to have thrown all of my parts out of whack, go figure. Also, the watermelon is mobile and can only express itself through kicking. And hiccuping. And barrel rolls and elbowing. It's a high-maintenance watermelon. Here's Max and Molly doing impressions of me:

I've also lost ALL of my second trimester energy. Going to more than 3 places in one day leaves me passed out on the couch for hours, it's pretty pathetic. I feel bad for Anu, he's crazy busy at work and then he comes home to Blorpy McHippo on the couch trying to persuade him to spend the entire evening painting. Still, he gets to consume alcohol/bend at the waist/not get 5.000 blood draws every 2 weeks, so it sort of evens out. I had to do my glucose test last week (test for gestational diabetes), and thanks to a hurried phlebotomist I now look like a pregnant heroin addict:

Gross. 3 blood draws in 2 hours, both of my arms look like something out of Requiem for a Dream. You know, pre-amputation. Google "Jared Leto's arm- Requiem" if you want to relive terrible memories.

I also got a haircut yesterday, which probably doesn't seem like big news BUT IT TOTALLY IS. I haven't gotten one in a year, and the lady who did the cut was awesome. She seriously spent an hour and a half cutting each wave/curl on my head individually, and it was so awesome. She did a blowout that day just for fun, but I finally have a haircut that washes/wears well the second day. Amazement!

                                                         (yesterday-blowout. Also dosa.)

My birthday is this Sunday, but I keep forgetting. I don't know, 26 is not a milestone. My birthday last year was so kickass awesome that I still can't even deal with it, so this one can be whatever it is and I'll still be 100% happy. Plus, there's not a whole lot of drunken debauchery to be had when you're 7 months pregnant. I guess I could shotgun an O'Douls?

Alright, I think I'm going to go back to re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reading Harry Potter now. Priorities, you know.

23 week update

Hi everybody. I'm trying to update this more often now that I'm a pregnasaurus rex so that I can have some sort of record of this time in my life, but it's tough because...it doesn't always feel super update-worthy.

Second trimester still kicks ass. The belly is definitely getting its grow on, and I'm really enjoying the fact that strangers/acquaintances can visibly tell I'm pregnant without me having to say anything. Trust me when I say that I've been waiting for this stage since day 1. Woo, belly!

The crappy part about the bump is that it makes moving around a pain in the ass. Finding a position to sleep in, trying to sit down on/get up from the couch, bending down to pick up things from the floor...none of these things are easy anymore. I've got this really sexy series of grunts and "meh" noises that have been slipping out involuntarily for a few weeks now any time I have to strain to get something done. Anu can't stop laughing. Punk-ass knocker-upper. I don't need that guff.



My awesome coworkers threw a baby shower for me and a couple of other teachers on Friday when we were done with TAKS testing and the students had left. It was so sweet, and I loved the stuff they got us. Almost all of them are parents already, so they were able to get me specific toys/blankets/creams that they know for a fact are worth it. I love them, and it makes me really sad when I think about the fact that we won't be working together anymore come June 6th. Aside from 2 or 3 ladies at Alfred Angelo, they've been the best coworkers in the entire world. Luckily I have their phone numbers and can text them incessantly to hang out with me once kiddo gets here. I'm only sort of kidding.

I've got a big old case of nesting starting to build up right now. Anu and I have picked out the crib and dresser that we want, and are going to start decorating the nursery really soon. We just need to prime the walls first so that we can try out a couple of paint colors before we commit 100%. I'm really excited. I've also become quite adept at detecting any number of small housekeeping projects that need to be worked on, though I'm not sure Anu is exactly thrilled about that development. I fall asleep almost every night trying to list and prioritize the things I'd like to get done around the house...it is every bit as weird and boring as it sounds. Remember when I used to be interesting? NOT ANYMORE, Y'ALL! :-D

OB visits have gotten super dull. There's really not much to check up on for, like, 3 appointments in a row. You go in, they take your weight and check you symptoms, the doc pops in and listens to the heartbeat, they ask you if you have any questions, and that's pretty much it. My next appointment is going to follow this trend, but the one after that is the glucose test. Basically that means that I chug an orange gatorade, wait around for 2 hours and get my blood drawn 3 times. Wheeeeee, pregnancy! Everyone gets to take your blood whenever they want! Blood for everyone!

One thing I miss right now is my blue jeans and boots. I think wearing boots with anything but jeans looks dumb as fuck, but jeans are definitely a thing of the past. This waistline absolutely does not jive with them anymore. Sad, sad times.

I guess that's all for now. Um...questions, anyone? Meh.

Some things about being pregnant.

For such a big thing, first of all, I have to say that I’ve mostly been surprised at how little it affected me for the first few months.  You sort of assume that your whole body is going to immediately go into a completely different mode that you’ve never felt before, that you’ll be walking around with some sort of primal knowledge that now YOU’RE PREGNANT and there’s a BABY inside of you. *mystical music*

Instead, weeks 0-6 felt like absolutely nothing. I went to yoga and Pilates with no trouble at all, had zero food aversions or energy dips, and felt 100% normal. I even took 3-4 more pregnancy tests throughout the course of those first weeks just to make sure I hadn’t misread the first…5. Yeah, I know. The immediate and dark test lines were incredibly reassuring, though.

Right on the spot during week 6, though, (day 2 of our ski trip in Alta with my parents) the symptoms started to kick in. Still, if I hadn’t KNOWN that they were pregnancy symptoms I would have just been convinced that I had contracted mono or something. I was tired ALL THE TIME, every other food I thought of made me want to puke until I died, and there was a constant low-level nausea that lasted throughout the day. A few days later the boobs started to feel like they spent all night getting rammed by angry goats and my skin decided to explode back into its teenage glory. Then came The Hunger. Oh how I must capitalize The Hunger. I have never, NEVER experienced anything like it. I am the type of person who, under normal circumstances, tends to forget that I’m hungry if I’m really wrapped up in something.  No longer! I get hungry every 2-3 hours without fail and it is a sense of urgency and impending doom that I am still getting blown away by. All I can think about is that I need to EAT or I am probably going to DIE ON THE SPOT. Blargh! Food monster need peanut butter toast! It’s ridiculous and crazy.

The number one life changer so far was the lack of energy. I didn’t go to the gym for weeks because when I got home, it was generally all I could do to take my shoes off and change out of my jeans before I needed to take a nap on the couch until Anu got home. It is hard to explain the cognitive dissonance you feel when you don’t LOOK pregnant at all, but completing everyday tasks leaves you feeling like you’ve run an all-day marathon. It’s incredibly pathetic. The cats loved it, though. They haven’t gotten this much snuggle on the couch time since I got the flu last April. Max is particularly crazy about it, although I would really appreciate it if he would tone down his affinity for stomping on my boobs. As previously mentioned, they already feel like they’re nothing but swollen lumps of pain and misery, having Fattycakes McTinypaws riverdance on them is some sort of nightmare. 

Luckily for me I’m now officially in my second trimester. 2^nd Tri is notorious for being the most comfortable and highest energy stage of pregnancy, so I’m really looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. Working out, taking care of errands, cooking regularly again…yee haw! I'm also wearing skirts and dresses with a frequency not seen since I was 5. What can I say, pants just don't work anymore.

I’m also sleeping with this really embarrassingly enormous body pillow thing. It takes up half the bed and I am AMAZED that Anu doesn’t hate it, but it’s the only thing that keeps me from waking up with back problems. Baby likes to settle at night, and that can cause some crazy ligament strain. The giant beast pillow keeps me all nice and tucked up so that my parts can relax without separating from one another. Hooray! And double hooray for Anu being a good sport about the whole thing.

I suppose that’s all for now. I’m feeling some kicks and barrel rolls here and there. I’m excited for more consistent movement, but I know that just comes with time. Patience might be a virtue but it isn’t easy to find.

More later!