Being back in a high school setting is a really interesting and bizarre experience. I was never one of those people who thought high school was the be-all, end-all, pinnacle of existence like some do. I don't look back on that time with disdain and bitterness, but once it was over I was happy it was over and I didn't ever feel the urge to go back. In fact, it was always really strange to me to hear people wax poetic about how amazing high school was and how they missed it all the time. To me it was mostly a confusing, awkward transition from childhood to near-adulthood. I made some great friends and definitely went through a lot of huge personal changes, but I wasn't having the best time of my life by any means.
Because I have never been one to put those years up on a pedestal, it's especially weird to me to see so many students clearly living their lives as though high school is as good as it gets. Girls throwing away everything just to be in a relationship with someone they are convinced is their ~*soul mate*~, guys wasting their time in class in order to show off and be smartasses (because god forbid you learn something instead of just being super cool in front of people who won't matter to you in 4 years), both genders decked out to the nines in letter jackets/dance uniforms/what have you and only associating with others who do the same as though they fully expect this to be their biggest achievement in life. Having been an obnoxious and self centered teenager myself at one point, I know that nothing anybody says to them is going to convince them to cut the crap, but it's still sort of frustrating.
I once took over a class last minute at the end of the day after I had finished subbing for someone else and it was both hilarious and wholly depressing to see how some of the kids were acting. My other classes for the day were generally full of upperclassmen, but the last class was purely freshmen. I have to be honest, it is hard to look at a 14 year old girl painted up like a streetwalker and wobbling around in giant heels that she obviously doesn't know how to walk in yet and not feel sick. She was a sweet girl, too, and it just pained me to know that there will be a point somewhere in her not too distant future where she will want to be taken seriously and respected, and by that point it just might be too late.
It isn't just the girls who are ridiculous, obviously. The boys can be equally frustrating. I once encountered a male student who was obviously a SMART kid. He liked it when I called on him, he provided thoughtful answers to my questions, and he worked like a champ when it came time to problem solve in groups. He had an engaging personality as well, but it was obvious to me that somewhere along the line he had convinced himself that being cool (ie: being known for not taking school seriously) was more fun than doing well and setting himself up for the rest of his life. To this day the memory of that student troubles me, I hate to think of him wasting his life pissing around Austin and working whatever job he happens to come by. His regular teacher and I both did what we could to encourage his intellectual development and positively reinforce participation and hard work, but if the kid just didn't come to school very often it was hard to make that stick. I hope he realizes what he's doing, I really do.
It might just be the ignorance of youth, but I really wish I knew where attitudes like those come from. Even when I was IN high school I knew those people (and you did too) who would loudly insist that academics were not the point of high school, that they were going to "live it up" and enjoy their four years and then somehow miraculously turn it all around in college and be A+ superstars for the rest of their lives. It continues to boggle my mind that people like that don't realize that high school is where you learn to LEARN above all else. No, I don't remember a damn thing from my Algebra II class. You know what I do remember? I remember the way I needed to study in order to do well in math, a subject I am notoriously weak in. If I hadn't learned how to stick it out and make myself work on things that were hard for me and made me feel dumb, I would not have been able to pass any of my accounting/statistics/O-chem classes in college. It wasn't the content that necessarily stayed with me, it was the life skills that I had to practice in order to succeed. I never EVER think about asymptotes or parabolas in my daily life, but I do know how to put my nose to the grindstone and force knowledge into my head. To me, THAT was the real point of high school.
I wish there was some way I could guarantee that my sincerity would come across to my students. Unfortunately you can only observe high school rationally in hindsight, and 15 year olds will just never be known for their foresight or maturity. As a teacher, though, that serves to motivate me more than it discourages me. The only way to come across as sincere and believable is to work hard EVERY day to be so. Trust is earned over time, and the only time you have a chance to change someone's life is when they've decided to trust you. Obviously as a sub that's not my role, but as a future educator it definitely is, and I am ready to go.
Love and Kisses,
Dana
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Snow day!
I know this entry isn't going to be very exciting for those of you hailing from up north (read: anywhere north of Austin), but I am SO PUMPED about the snow today! This is the first time in years that I've seen snowflakes that are bigger than sleet particles and that actually stay on the ground. It seems like it's over now, but I'll take a good 2 hours of snow over none at all!
I won't lie, I've been ridiculous the entire time it's been snowing. Anu still had to go to work today (suck), but my work was canceled and I've been literally hopping around in the backyard since I got back from running errands this morning. I feel obligated to document the snow since it's likely that this will not happen again for quite some time. Plus, it's the first snow in our new house! It's silly, but a milestone no less! :-)
The kitties are enjoying the fact that the heater is on again and Rosko is thrilled that I've been going in and out of the back door all afternoon since it's located in his room and he gets a nice icy breeze every time. I'd let him go outside, but he can't get wet. The thing about Chinchillas is that because their fur is so dense it's possible for moisture to get trapped and not be able to evaporate. That creates a perfect little home for fungus and mold, and then you have a real problem on your hands. Since the little man seems to be very proud of his perfectly fluffy coat, I would hate to have to shave bits of him. As such, no snow time.
Speaking of the squeaky guy, let's have him make his blog debut:
And just so it doesn't seem like I'm playing favorites, here are the other kiddos:
Love and Kisses,
Dana
I won't lie, I've been ridiculous the entire time it's been snowing. Anu still had to go to work today (suck), but my work was canceled and I've been literally hopping around in the backyard since I got back from running errands this morning. I feel obligated to document the snow since it's likely that this will not happen again for quite some time. Plus, it's the first snow in our new house! It's silly, but a milestone no less! :-)
The kitties are enjoying the fact that the heater is on again and Rosko is thrilled that I've been going in and out of the back door all afternoon since it's located in his room and he gets a nice icy breeze every time. I'd let him go outside, but he can't get wet. The thing about Chinchillas is that because their fur is so dense it's possible for moisture to get trapped and not be able to evaporate. That creates a perfect little home for fungus and mold, and then you have a real problem on your hands. Since the little man seems to be very proud of his perfectly fluffy coat, I would hate to have to shave bits of him. As such, no snow time.
Speaking of the squeaky guy, let's have him make his blog debut:
And just so it doesn't seem like I'm playing favorites, here are the other kiddos:
Ahh, I love my kitty filled house. Max has really horrible gas from time to time and Molly likes to act like she lives a tragic life, but they are wonderful. Rosko is one of the happiest things in my whole life, he ALWAYS puts a smile on my face with his adorable chubby little self and hilarious personality.
I posted a video on facebook earlier of the snow, but then it started snowing harder and I took a better video. Since you're the blog followers (and therefore my favorite people), you get to see the better one! I hope today has been fun for all of you!
Love and Kisses,
Dana
Friday, February 19, 2010
A series of small things
It's so interesting to me that small, nearly insignificant things are often the ones that either make or break any given day. No, an amazing day isn't going to be considered awful if you spill coke on your jeans, but if you've had a day full of awfulness then it's likely to be that little soda spill that's going to send you right over the edge. I don't know why that is, but I can't count the number of times I've had horrible, catastrophic things happen all day without causing me to do much more than look grumpy only to lose my composure over accidentally rolling my pen under a cabinet. Likewise, I've had very very good days be perked up exponentially by finding five bucks in my pocket when I didn't know they were there.
Today was a decent enough day, but then during my (wildly obnoxious) 8th period class one of the students stopped me while I was handing out worksheets and said, "Hey miss...do you model? You have to model, right?" I don't know why, but that practically made the sun come out from behind the impermeable cloud cover we'd been under all day for me. It didn't hurt, either, when one of the other students agreed with him and demanded to know if I had done any modeling because she wanted to see the pictures if I had. It was goofy, and entirely likely that they were just trying to butter me up, but still. Thanks, kiddos.
This week has been completely ridiculous all around and I am more than relieved to see the end of it. Poor Anu is still having to work insane hours and it looks like it's going to continue for another 2 or 3 weeks. Then he'll have a break of a couple of weeks and it'll be right back to insanity for another month. This is obviously much more taxing on him than on me, and I feel ridiculous for even complaining about it, but the fact is that his absence makes it more than a little lonely around here. I would NEVER complain to him because I think he's amazing for sticking it out and working like this to prove himself and the last thing I want to do is make him feel guilty for being responsible and doing the right thing. You all don't mind though, do you? There, I've had my selfish moment and I feel better. Being under a pile of kitties helps too.
Anyway, I've been feeling really blue because of the general loneliness I'm dealing with and it's been a little thing that's been helping to keep me down. I was expecting that my wedding photos would be here two days ago, and as they had yet to show up even TODAY I was starting to get far more upset than what was justifiable. On its own a missing cd is not a big deal and is nothing to get more than a tiny bit frustrated over. On the heels of a really horrible and lonely week, though? Enough to make me kick the mailbox.
The good news is that I am going to go pick up the cd tomorrow so there is no longer any doubt about when I will have it. I certainly don't mean to say anything negative about my photographers, the pictures are amazing and they both have sick little ones to take care of and I absolutely understand that clients do not take priority over children. That having been said, I am very happy to be getting everything squared away. :-)
So what say you, my lovely readers? Any small moments that have made or ruined your day? Any tips for dealing with a case of the lonelies? Let me know, I think you're awesome!
Love and Kisses,
Daner
Today was a decent enough day, but then during my (wildly obnoxious) 8th period class one of the students stopped me while I was handing out worksheets and said, "Hey miss...do you model? You have to model, right?" I don't know why, but that practically made the sun come out from behind the impermeable cloud cover we'd been under all day for me. It didn't hurt, either, when one of the other students agreed with him and demanded to know if I had done any modeling because she wanted to see the pictures if I had. It was goofy, and entirely likely that they were just trying to butter me up, but still. Thanks, kiddos.
This week has been completely ridiculous all around and I am more than relieved to see the end of it. Poor Anu is still having to work insane hours and it looks like it's going to continue for another 2 or 3 weeks. Then he'll have a break of a couple of weeks and it'll be right back to insanity for another month. This is obviously much more taxing on him than on me, and I feel ridiculous for even complaining about it, but the fact is that his absence makes it more than a little lonely around here. I would NEVER complain to him because I think he's amazing for sticking it out and working like this to prove himself and the last thing I want to do is make him feel guilty for being responsible and doing the right thing. You all don't mind though, do you? There, I've had my selfish moment and I feel better. Being under a pile of kitties helps too.
Anyway, I've been feeling really blue because of the general loneliness I'm dealing with and it's been a little thing that's been helping to keep me down. I was expecting that my wedding photos would be here two days ago, and as they had yet to show up even TODAY I was starting to get far more upset than what was justifiable. On its own a missing cd is not a big deal and is nothing to get more than a tiny bit frustrated over. On the heels of a really horrible and lonely week, though? Enough to make me kick the mailbox.
The good news is that I am going to go pick up the cd tomorrow so there is no longer any doubt about when I will have it. I certainly don't mean to say anything negative about my photographers, the pictures are amazing and they both have sick little ones to take care of and I absolutely understand that clients do not take priority over children. That having been said, I am very happy to be getting everything squared away. :-)
So what say you, my lovely readers? Any small moments that have made or ruined your day? Any tips for dealing with a case of the lonelies? Let me know, I think you're awesome!
Love and Kisses,
Daner
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
On being somebody
I'm about to go run some errands, but I just saw this video and thought I would share it with you guys. It warmed my heart.
It makes me miss the old Sesame Street very much, I don't think this sort of scene would be allowed on the show anymore.
Love and Kisses,
Dana
It makes me miss the old Sesame Street very much, I don't think this sort of scene would be allowed on the show anymore.
Love and Kisses,
Dana
Sunday, February 14, 2010
They got them guuuns...
Anu's former roommate Wan has many a cool firearm and I have been secretly wanting to try my hand at shooting for quite some time now. What was holding me back? Oh come on, the same thing that holds me back every single time: a wildly intense and irrational fear of looking like an idiot. It's ridiculous, but for some reason it is absolutely hard wired in my brain that if I'm not a complete superstar at something the first time I do it then everyone around me will...I don't even know, laugh and throw turnips at me or something. I really do hate that I let that bizarre paranoia keep me from having fun, so I've generally resolved to be better about that this year. As such, when the opportunity presented itself I decided to go a-shootin with Wan, Eric, and Maggie. I would have loved for Anu to have been there, but work is absolutely insane for him right now and he's had to go in every single day for the past 2 weeks and work a minimum of 8 hours each time. Feel sorry for him? Well you should. So there.
Anyway, I had such a great time and I am so glad I went. I'm also incredibly glad Maggie was there too because she is a perfect partner in crime for situations like these. She has always had a great "go get it" attitude about life and she has enough guts for the both of us in situations where I start to go back to shrinking violet mode. She's also really honest about things, so I know that she's not going to trick me into doing something that was actually horrible for her. Hooray Maggie! :-D
We were there for quite a while, actually, and Maggie and I shot everything except for Pete (the big 9mm) and Lamb Chop (the AK-47). Oh...we also gave Wan's guns people names. Because we couldn't tell them apart until we did. Stop looking at me like that! The point is that I was a lot better at it than I expected to be, and Maggie was a baller too once she figured out how to work the sights.
The recoil sensations were a lot different that what I had expected. I suppose I always thought that you'd be knocked backwards by the force of the gun going off, but it really isn't that big of a deal (at least with the things we were shooting). Even firing Funshine (the AR) just felt like someone was giving you a really firm push on the shoulder, it wasn't a punching force like I thought it would be. Additionally, I feel like Wan would appreciate it if I passed the message on that silencers really don't make the sound that movies and tv have them make. It's more of...like a metal slinky being whipped around. It's quieter than the regular shot, but more than that it just doesn't sound like a gun. If you heard it without knowing what it was you would probably thing someone was just messing with a chain link fence. It was interesting.
The moral of the story is that now I REALLY want a gun. I know, Texas has finally eaten my soul hasn't it? I still don't think the Blue Collar Comedy Tour is even remotely funny though, that says something right???
Here are some of the pictures we took at the range, the rest can be seen on facebook:
That last one is my first target, the majority of the shots are with the .22's (Smokey and Eduardo) and the crazy outliers are from Dottie who was way more intense.
In more unicorn and bubble related news, I am OBSESSED with the gift Anu got me for Valentine's and I am so impressed with his memory skills! About a month ago we were at DSW because it is far and away the best shoe store in the world and I needed new flat shoes for work. It's impossible for me to go there and not be distracted by all the completely impractical and amazing heels they have, so at one point I tried on this ridiculous and adorable pair that can really only be described as Barbie shoes. I know, you're losing respect for me right this moment. Anyway, I loooooooooved them to death but there was no way I could justify buying them so I just grabbed the cute black flats I had decided on and bolted for the front before my resolve could be completely eroded by the sparkling pink magic. This morning, however, when I went to take a shower after Anu had left for work (seriously, do you feel sorry for him yet or do I have to post a picture of him looking sad?!) I almost had a heart attack because they were sitting there in my closet being adorable and wonderful and in the right size. Best. Valentine's. Ever. I pretty much squealed and danced for 10 minutes. I am a happy, materialistic lady right now. Here they are so you can appreciate their adorableness:
<3
OK, that's all I've got for you now. I hope everyone has had a great weekend and that the week to come treats you well. Wedding pics will be online for you to see on Wednesday or Thursday, so get excited!
Love and Kisses,
Dana
Thursday, February 11, 2010
On futility
Yesterday was an incredibly frustrating day for me in substitute land.
The job wasn't hard, I was doing a half day for an elective teacher at a middle school and they were having their monthly DARE-type speaker come in and do his lesson so all I really had to do was take attendance and babysit. The guy was...sort of a bizarre individual, but generally friendly and, you know, he was doing all the work. Hooray, right?
By the end of the day it took everything I had to stop myself from bashing my head against the wall in frustration, this guy has NO business in this program if they want it to have any lasting impact on the students. I know they're trained to follow the pre-written lesson plan verbatim, but this was absolutely absurd. In the 3 periods I saw I watched him read to the students from the crappy workbook, completely mangle basic health facts (he refused to believe me when I told him testosterone is a hormone), and blindly plow through OBVIOUS teaching moments. These students would flat out hand him these golden shining moments of personal revelation that he could have seized and made a relevant point about the dangers of substance abuse. He had so many opportunities to help these kids find meaning in what he was saying, but instead he let them play with the ridiculously corny props he brought in and spent 30 minutes letting them play with the drunk goggles. Cool.
I'm just a sub, these classrooms aren't mine and I am in no position to modify things, but situations like that just make my blood pressure shoot through the roof. THIS is why students think anti-drug programs are a waste of time, THIS is why the message never sinks in, THIS is why we have 7th graders smoking pot together instead of doing their damn math homework. If we're not even going to bother trying to make these things worthwhile then why even have them? If the speaker is an uptight do-gooder who is 100% incapable of sincerity then why on Earth WOULD students listen to him? I grew up with a drug phobia because Sesame Street convinced me they were bad news and even I thought my DARE officer was a dweeb. Ugh.
To blow off I came home and snuggled with captain Max:
Also...wedding pictures will be uploaded as soon as I get the cd. They are AMAZING! Get excited!
Love and Kisses,
Dana
The job wasn't hard, I was doing a half day for an elective teacher at a middle school and they were having their monthly DARE-type speaker come in and do his lesson so all I really had to do was take attendance and babysit. The guy was...sort of a bizarre individual, but generally friendly and, you know, he was doing all the work. Hooray, right?
By the end of the day it took everything I had to stop myself from bashing my head against the wall in frustration, this guy has NO business in this program if they want it to have any lasting impact on the students. I know they're trained to follow the pre-written lesson plan verbatim, but this was absolutely absurd. In the 3 periods I saw I watched him read to the students from the crappy workbook, completely mangle basic health facts (he refused to believe me when I told him testosterone is a hormone), and blindly plow through OBVIOUS teaching moments. These students would flat out hand him these golden shining moments of personal revelation that he could have seized and made a relevant point about the dangers of substance abuse. He had so many opportunities to help these kids find meaning in what he was saying, but instead he let them play with the ridiculously corny props he brought in and spent 30 minutes letting them play with the drunk goggles. Cool.
I'm just a sub, these classrooms aren't mine and I am in no position to modify things, but situations like that just make my blood pressure shoot through the roof. THIS is why students think anti-drug programs are a waste of time, THIS is why the message never sinks in, THIS is why we have 7th graders smoking pot together instead of doing their damn math homework. If we're not even going to bother trying to make these things worthwhile then why even have them? If the speaker is an uptight do-gooder who is 100% incapable of sincerity then why on Earth WOULD students listen to him? I grew up with a drug phobia because Sesame Street convinced me they were bad news and even I thought my DARE officer was a dweeb. Ugh.
To blow off I came home and snuggled with captain Max:
Also...wedding pictures will be uploaded as soon as I get the cd. They are AMAZING! Get excited!
Love and Kisses,
Dana
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The mid-week grumpies
I know Mondays are the typical "oh god, I hate life..." days, but I'm starting to think that Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the biggest downers for me personally. I suppose that I'm just sort of resigned to the fact that Mondays are horrible, but it's really around mid week where I start to feel like I'm trapped in a day that is taking 26 years to pass. Additionally, I think I still have some of that college mindset left in me that registers Thursdays as the actual beginning of the weekend. Oh college, I miss you. (*note* I do not miss post-bacc work. That statement also doesn't apply to grad school/med school/law school/etc. Just regular old undergrad.)
I hope that doesn't make it sound like I'm constantly depressed or anything, I'm more than happy with life right now...I just prefer the weekend parts!
In other news, people who lose their minds and go into hysterics when facebook changes formats crack me up. I could never EVER work for facebook, I would lose my cool on people. The new facebook layout is only SLIGHTLY different from the previous one; all of the same buttons are there, they're just located in slightly different places. I can't stop rolling my eyes at all the people who update their statuses to things like, "ONCE AGAIN FACEBOOK CHANGES HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING!" Grow up, it's freaking facebook. The entitlement issues some people have really do astound me. It's a site that is free to use and that millions of people are flat out addicted to, they don't owe people a damn thing. I especially like all the groups that form and threaten to boycott facebook if they don't get their precious (insert function or layout option here) back. OK princess, go ahead. See you in 2 days when you break down and realize that your life can't go on if you don't know what your friends' status updates for the day are. Personally I really like facebook, and I'll keep using it happily unless they start to charge for it.
I'm starting to get really antsy because I got an email from the website that my photographers use to host pictures saying that my event was going to be released soon. I got the email yesterday, and last time I was waiting for pics (engagement photos) it took about 2 days from the first email to when they were released. I want to see them SO BADLY!!!!! I'm glad my photogs take their time editing because the results are amazing, but waiting is no fun at all. What can I say, I'm very vain! GIVE ME PICTURES OF MYSELF TO OOGLE, INTERNET!!! ^_~
Speaking of wedding things, I NEED to get the thank you notes done. I think I'm going to do that Thursday and Friday, if I keep putting it off I'm going to miss the 2 month timeline and then I'll have to sacrifice myself to the etiquette gods. No Judith Martin, DON'T EAT ME!!!
I think that's all for this time. I'm waiting for my clothes to dry and then it's off to Girlstart to prep for the lesson and then teach club. Have a wonderful day!
Love and Kisses,
Dana
I hope that doesn't make it sound like I'm constantly depressed or anything, I'm more than happy with life right now...I just prefer the weekend parts!
In other news, people who lose their minds and go into hysterics when facebook changes formats crack me up. I could never EVER work for facebook, I would lose my cool on people. The new facebook layout is only SLIGHTLY different from the previous one; all of the same buttons are there, they're just located in slightly different places. I can't stop rolling my eyes at all the people who update their statuses to things like, "ONCE AGAIN FACEBOOK CHANGES HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING!" Grow up, it's freaking facebook. The entitlement issues some people have really do astound me. It's a site that is free to use and that millions of people are flat out addicted to, they don't owe people a damn thing. I especially like all the groups that form and threaten to boycott facebook if they don't get their precious (insert function or layout option here) back. OK princess, go ahead. See you in 2 days when you break down and realize that your life can't go on if you don't know what your friends' status updates for the day are. Personally I really like facebook, and I'll keep using it happily unless they start to charge for it.
I'm starting to get really antsy because I got an email from the website that my photographers use to host pictures saying that my event was going to be released soon. I got the email yesterday, and last time I was waiting for pics (engagement photos) it took about 2 days from the first email to when they were released. I want to see them SO BADLY!!!!! I'm glad my photogs take their time editing because the results are amazing, but waiting is no fun at all. What can I say, I'm very vain! GIVE ME PICTURES OF MYSELF TO OOGLE, INTERNET!!! ^_~
Speaking of wedding things, I NEED to get the thank you notes done. I think I'm going to do that Thursday and Friday, if I keep putting it off I'm going to miss the 2 month timeline and then I'll have to sacrifice myself to the etiquette gods. No Judith Martin, DON'T EAT ME!!!
I think that's all for this time. I'm waiting for my clothes to dry and then it's off to Girlstart to prep for the lesson and then teach club. Have a wonderful day!
Love and Kisses,
Dana
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